This is a post I have wanted to write for a while, it's been brewing in my mind and so I've finally let it out and will see what comments and thoughts it brings.

I believe that most women would like to have a safe, gentle, empowering, natural birth with minimal discomfort, however for some women the discomfort becomes too great or there are medical concerns and varying levels of intervention are needed. Generally what I have found is that these experiences can still be safe, gentle and empowering as long as mum (sometimes via the birth companion) is in control of the decisions and she understand the risks, benefits, and alternatives about the choices on offer. If a woman feels in control, she can be proud of what she achieved, feel empowered by the experience and this can help her in her transformation as a mother.

Probably none of this is controversial, but one thing which continues to frustrate me is the idea that if a woman has intervention, that in some strange way she has "failed". When I was a HypnoBirthing practitioner, there were a few times when practitioners would discuss birth outcomes where intervention was needed. So often questions would be asked such as "..did mum practise the relaxation techniques enough?", "..she didn’t listen to Rainbow Relaxation every day, perhaps that’s why?", "...did she pay attention in class?!". One of my mums had gas and air during her labour, this was considered by some as her failing in some way, whereas to her, she was in complete control, had an amazing gentle calm birth and looks back on it with absolute joy. By applying this level of pressure, whether consciously or subconsciously we are increasing the performance anxiety around birth and causing the very thing we are trying to prevent. As well as this, by applying our own personal values to what a good birth experience is, we are taking away the gift of a wonderful birth from those who in their owns eyes had actually achieved it.

The only way to achieve wonderful birth experiences is to join with mum and understand what would be wonderful to her. Then we can help her achieve her experience, if this changes along the way then so be it, as long as she continues to be informed and feels in control of her birth experience, she will become a mum who is proud of the journey she has been on and proud of what she has achieved. It must be a huge difference to a newborn baby being surrounded by people who feel as though they are strong and empowered, compared to the feeling of failure.

Lets' give more mums, birth companions and babies the gift of wonderful birth experiences by holding back on the pressure, supporting what they want and celebrating their own unique journeys.