This is a post I have wanted to write for a while, it's been brewing in my mind and so I've finally let it out and will see what comments and thoughts it brings.

I believe that most women would like to have a safe, gentle, empowering, natural birth with minimal discomfort, however for some women the discomfort becomes too great or there are medical concerns and varying levels of intervention are needed. Generally what I have found is that these experiences can still be safe, gentle and empowering as long as mum (sometimes via the birth companion) is in control of the decisions and she understand the risks, benefits, and alternatives about the choices on offer. If a woman feels in control, she can be proud of what she achieved, feel empowered by the experience and this can help her in her transformation as a mother.

Probably none of this is controversial, but one thing which continues to frustrate me is the idea that if a woman has intervention, that in some strange way she has "failed". When I was a HypnoBirthing practitioner, there were a few times when practitioners would discuss birth outcomes where intervention was needed. So often questions would be asked such as "..did mum practise the relaxation techniques enough?", "..she didn’t listen to Rainbow Relaxation every day, perhaps that’s why?", "...did she pay attention in class?!". One of my mums had gas and air during her labour, this was considered by some as her failing in some way, whereas to her, she was in complete control, had an amazing gentle calm birth and looks back on it with absolute joy. By applying this level of pressure, whether consciously or subconsciously we are increasing the performance anxiety around birth and causing the very thing we are trying to prevent. As well as this, by applying our own personal values to what a good birth experience is, we are taking away the gift of a wonderful birth from those who in their owns eyes had actually achieved it.

The only way to achieve wonderful birth experiences is to join with mum and understand what would be wonderful to her. Then we can help her achieve her experience, if this changes along the way then so be it, as long as she continues to be informed and feels in control of her birth experience, she will become a mum who is proud of the journey she has been on and proud of what she has achieved. It must be a huge difference to a newborn baby being surrounded by people who feel as though they are strong and empowered, compared to the feeling of failure.

Lets' give more mums, birth companions and babies the gift of wonderful birth experiences by holding back on the pressure, supporting what they want and celebrating their own unique journeys.

This morning during just a short 10 minute walk I saw three pregnant ladies. Whenever I see a pregnant lady I can't help but smile at them, it comes from knowing the amazing journey they're on and what's to come. But I then wondered what it must be like for them being faced with multiple goofy grins as they walk along every day! I remember when I was pregnant that I actually liked it. I worked in London and absolutely nobody even makes eye contact, let alone talks to anyone and especially on the tube (the official approach being that you hide behind your copy of The Metro and never ever look up). But being pregnant opened people up to me, I started to have conversations with people I had seen every day for the last few years and suddenly the fact that I was pregnant gave them a feeling that they could connect with me. Suddenly the faces of strangers around me became real people, with real lives, families and stories to share.

It's a shame that we don't smile at everyone as we go about our daily lives, everyone is on their own amazing journey whether they are pregnant or not so I shall be making a concerted effort at this special time of year to connect with the people around me and spread a little warmth.

Thinking of this then reminded me of story I heard about a man who was severely depressed. A lot had gone wrong for him in his life and he had decided to go for a more permanent solution and to end it all. He got in to his car and was driving to a nearby cliff to jump from. As he drove along he came to some traffic lights. He stopped at the red light and looked across to the car next to him. The lady in the next car smiled a warm smile to the man. The man considered that the world can't be that bad a place if he can have a smile like that from a stranger. He chose at that moment to continue with his life and resolve the problems he was having in a different way. I bet he always smiles to people at red lights now.


Perhaps if everyone who reads this blog post could smile at just one person, that smile and warmth might travel far and wide and be passed on to people who really need it.

I put this DVD on to watch as I was filled with high expectations from the title that I was going to be informed as to how I could have achieved an orgasmic birth. My birth was wonderful, amazing, empowering etc etc, but no alas I did not achieve the big O.

I have to say that the DVD is filled with great birth stories, expert opinions and facts about hospital vs home births. It gives a new slant on how birth is part of a womans sexual life, that it can be passionate and as Ina May Gaskin put it “Birth sounds like a woman having great sex”.

We have recognised for a long time that endorphins and oxytocin are present both at conception and birth and that the highest levels of oxytocin you will ever have are in the moments straight after birth as you are falling in love with your baby, but I had not really taken that one step further (other than when talking about naturally inducing labour) to recognise that birth can actually be a sensuous, sexual experience.

In terms of stories, in particular I liked Piper and Chaz. Piper was in full blown labour but had no idea, she remembers that she went to another place “…we all went there together” she said and as the baby was born, they all sang happy birthday. I wish I had thought of that! She also states that she only felt pain whilst she was in the car, which fits exactly with my Psychology of Giving Birth Programme when I talk about car journeys being filled with anxiety and sometimes being a factor in labour slowing down or stopping.

Trisha and Arp also caught my attention. Trisha was screaming and to a viewer this sounded like pain, but she explained that she just needed to scream, it wasn’t pain “…I just needed to shout, it felt very satisfying”. As Trisha is summing up she talks about how she is so proud of herself and how there’s not many times that you can say that to the world.

That really struck a cord with me. So many of us are achieving great things but rarely do we actually feel proud of ourselves. Birth can be one of those moments which you can share with the world that yes, you are proud of yourself.

The thing which was missing for me were specific techniques, instructions and research to show just how you can achieve the big O during the big L. So that’s my next project – I can see a visit to The Farm in Tennessee coming on, as they seem to manage a 21% big O rate there!

You can get the DVD from the Orgasmic Birth website.

Almost two years ago, a lady booked onto one of my courses and said she was terrified of giving birth. This isn’t an uncommon feeling amongst pregnant ladies, however when she said also she that was a journalist for a national newspaper and that she would like to write about how we would be able to transform this feeling into her achieving a relaxed, gentle and natural birth, the prospect of her being able to reach so many other women really excited me.

So, we did the course and I chatted to her and helped her and her birth companion with advice afterwards as I would do anyone I was helping. Interestingly, she had an amazing imagination and it was great to be able to work with someone who could be so versatile in the metaphors which ran through her mind. I remember visiting her just a couple of days before she gave birth, when she told me she could feel herself transforming, that she was getting in touch with her animalistic side and almost seeing fox-like features when she looked in the mirror. In true Ina May Gaskin style she was “letting the fox do it”.

She called me on the morning her surges began as she had discovered meconium in her waters. She was scared as she knew she would have to go in to hospital and not have the home birth she had hoped for. We kept talking until her excellent birth companion had got the car ready and I reminded her of breathing techniques she should use to help her stay calm and relaxed.

Then she left for the hospital and I waited for the call.

I was so happy when the call arrived and she told me how her wonderful birth story unfolded. Her view was that it could have been so different if she hadn’t have stayed relaxed and used the techniques she had learned. At the hospital staff talked to her about how her baby was breech and was told she would need intervention, but instead of handing over control, she went inward, focused on her breathing and enabled her labour to progress to the point where a natural delivery was the best option. As she did this, they found her baby was not breech and was also not in any distress. She gave birth to a beautiful baby boy called William and now feels exhilarated when she recalls her birth day.

It gives me an amazing warm feeling to know that I impacted Kate, Dave and Williams birth experience and this feeling, for each birth I’m involved in never lessens. The story appeared in the Daily Express, a national UK paper on November 18, 2008 and I’m sure this will have already made a difference to many thousands of women. So thank you to Kate for sharing her experience.

If you would like to give yourself the gift of a wonderful birth experience, then take a look at my new downloadable programme. This programme works alongside the care you are already receiving and will unlock the secrets behind achieving a calm and gentle birth through understanding the psychology of birth.

As always, wishing you a wonderful birth day
Take care
Juliet Eccleston

You may have been wondering why it has been a little quiet recently within the Birth Download camp, well this is the reason. We have been busy beavering away on a new product for mums and their birth companions to help them discover how to use the power of their body and mind to birth in a calm, relaxed and controlled way.

The Psychology of Giving Birth Programme

If you are interested in learning techniques to enable you and your birth partner to be in total control of your birth day and to tap into your own natural pain relief to allow you to birth in the most natural way possible with a minimum of intervention then this message is for you.

If you are anything like me when I became pregnant I suddenly started to worry about what labor would be like. How painful would it be? Would I cope? Would I tear? Would it put me off ever having children again?! Then, to make matters worse, I found that other women were only too happy to share their "horror stories" with me and, although their intentions were to probably to help me prepare for what they believed was to come, I started to truly believe that pain and trauma were inevitable. These kind of stories are everywhere - TV, radio, magazines, the internet... it seemed like everywhere I turned there was another story of a long painful birth. As well as all of this my birth companion wanted to make sure that he played as big a part as possible in the birth of our baby and not just stand on the side lines until the whole thing was over.

This is where our search for something different began. The Psychology of Giving Birth Programme is the result of that search:

The Psychology of Giving Birth Programme

Here's a sneak peak at what you'll discover in "The Psychology of Giving Birth":

- Techniques to enable you to have a clear view of what you want your birth experience to be like
- Discover visualisation skills and breathing techniques to stay relaxed throughout birth
- Learn how to prevent the risk of tearing
- How to work with your contractions and minimise any discomfort
- The little known secret to be able to control any fear or anxiety which may creep in
- The very best ways to have a birth companion who is completely prepared and knows how to really help
- How to minimise the risk of intervention
- Learn to go within and listen to your body
- How to look forward to your birth day

And that's just a fraction of what you'll find in the "The Psychology of Giving Birth Programme". Not only that but for a short period of time you will get a number of bonus modules as well.

Take the first steps towards a calm and gentle birth today and check out the The Psychology of Giving Birth Programme.

As always, wishing you a wonderful birth day
Take care
Juliet Eccleston